Tam suggests wearing masks in bathtub; fears rubber duckies are asymptomatic.

In the latest press conference with the “government” of Canada, Dr. Theresa Tam monotonously and lethargically updated a nation gripped by sheer fear and retardedness the Covid-19 situation in Canada.

“Based on our super-duper modelling projections tabulated by the finest smoking monkeys in the world, the situation is morbidly dire. We expect half the Canadian population to die in the next 6212 months.” As soon as she ended her statement, a doctor took her pulse and checked her eyes before removing her oxygen tank.

This comes on the realization Covid-19 is not interested in cooperating with the measures imposed.

“As God as my witness, I thought the virus would cooperate. Closing down all businesses was a sound and prudent decision. Quite frankly, it saved this many lives’ as she proceeded to spread her two opened hands roughly three feet apart.”

Tam then deflected accusations she was a pawn of the WHO saying, ‘Who’s saying that?’ before strongly recommending Canadians where masks in a bath tub. “We further warn people asymptomatic spread is real including from beloved toys like rubber duckies”.

She was then abruptly carried off stage by Dr. Njoo who then took over.

“It’s been stressful for Dr. Tam these past many months. So as she was saying…..we feel keep washing your hands, wear masks, take as many boosters as we tell you until further notice.”