FIAT-Chrysler has unveiled its new product line for 2024. In its lineup will be the latest incarnation of the Jeep Liberty in the form of the Jeep Slavery.
‘We were looking for something that reflected the times as well as the mood and sentiment of the people. Liberty is out and slavery (and victimhood) are in. We think the Jeep Slavery will appeal to this large demographic,” CEO Frederick Lick announced.
“Look. If I may be frank. Blunt. Curt. No one gives a shit about freedom anymore. Just take a gander at any comments section on social media or worse - MSM news outlets. It’s a shitshow of lazy-ass people screaming to be made into slaves. We’re just giving what the people want. And what they want is to get it up the ass good and hard. Excuse my Greek, French and Chinese. Once upon a time driving meant freedom. Now it means slavery.”
Soon after this comment was made, the CEO was fired from his position for insulting people named Frank and Curt and ‘demeaning three great languages’. His replacement is Jane Plain. A Harvard business professor with no experience in business but who comes with a fantastic ESG resume.
“We will ensure all our gender-neutral products reflect the DEI values all demand and crave for climate change and to protect ourselves from COVID. With your next oil change service we will provide you with multiple free ‘high-quality’ masks,’ Plain stated in an interview. “It’s time to get serious and FIAT-Chrysler is ready to do its part."
The Jeep Slavery fits perfectly into this vision.
“The Jeep brand has become way too entrenched in toxic masculinity, what, with all the mud, big mags and stuff,” she added.
The Slavery will be fully electric with a range of 25km. The range of colour options will be limited to purple, pink and black. White will not be offered.
It is expected to hit the market in late 2024.
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yo,JD, truly a Babylon🐝 worthy post, comme ça...babylonbee.com /news/deaths-caused-by-hurricane-hilary-to-be-labeled-suicides
Deaths Caused By Hurricane Hilary To Be Labeled Suicides
LOS ANGELES, CA — As Hurricane Hilary prepares to make landfall in Southern California, the World Meteorological Organization has announced that all deaths resulting from the storm will be ruled as suicides.
"We are seeing Hilary continue to weaken as it approaches the West Coast, so we have high hopes that it will not cause any, um... suicides," said meteorologist Fritz McBeely to reporters. "But we must be aware, this storm is highly unpredictable and could potentially suicide anyone foolish enough to stand in its way."
Local authorities in Los Angeles have warned their people to board up windows, stack sandbags, and refuse to testify against the hurricane in a court of law in order to avoid being suicided. "The threat is real," warned McBeely.
At publishing time, several weather sources had confirmed that they are struggling to track the storm as their weather prediction servers were mysteriously drenched in bleach and smashed with a hammer overnight.