Zelensky Fails To Qualify For Bank Loan

Ukraine leader has a cash flow problem.

Disassociated Press

Looking for financial help any way he can, President of Ukraine Volodymyr Zelensky applied for a commercial bank loan but was promptly turned down.

The loan amount, according to sources close to the story, sought was $35 000. “Mr. Zelensky, while a valued member of good standing in the political world, did not meet the criteria to qualify for a bank loan,” a spokesperson for The Imperial American Bank of Sketch Associates explained. “Let’s just say his credit rating was lower than Ukraine’s democracy ranking.”

Coke, lawyers, guns, money, and whores. What else can I offer as collateral?

Zelensky has been applying to several banks in the United States, United Kingdom, Canada and France. Each declined to provide the funds asked prompting Prime Minister Justin ‘Meathead’ Trudeau to declare everyone is racist towards the ‘hero of history Mr. Zelenshky’ and then offered a prayer.

So desperate Zelensky is for a loan he also applied for a personal line of credit offering several kidnapped journalists as collateral.

A witness said that Zelensky was perplexed and irate that he was refused and that, '“the journalists were perfectly healthy and could be used as sex slaves. Don’t your journalists like to fuck Canada?”

Ukraine is entering the third year of its war against Russia.