U.S. And Canadian Officials Urge Vaccinations To Bring Down Inflation

Science shows vaccination lowers inflation

Officials from the United States and Canada on Monday were urging people to get vaccinated as soon as possible to quell inflation.

“Look man. We know what works based on years of data to lower inflation. Get vaccinated,’ a mannequin dressed as Bernie Lomax and resembling Joe Biden but sounding like Obama said through a loudspeaker.

Whispering in hush tones, “My administration is hard at work making sure you all get your damn shots. Get vaccinated, end inflation” it continued.

Perched on a small condo balcony in a toga, Justin Trudeau echoed the same appeal to Canadians. ‘The middle class is struggling because they’re not getting vaccinated and boosted. The secret to defeating climate change, bringing down inflation and arousing my sexual fetishes is to get vaccinated,” as he gave a thumbs up despite a pedestrian on the street throwing a nectarine at him.

Dr. Colin Furness agreed with both leaders. ‘We’re too complacent. We need masks, lockdowns and at least 16 boosters if we’re ever going to lick this thing,” looking down at his penis.

Economists agree. ‘Oh yes. It’s well-known supply and demand are closely correlated to vaccine uptake. Without it, the X lines that mark supply and demand become inverted,” said one economist from the University of Economics Boogaloo while looking nervously around before cryptically adding, “Help me. He’s crazy,” pointing to a picture of economist Paul Krugman.

In other news, the Dala Lana School of Public Health from the University of Toronto has been renamed Arkham Boogaloo School of Public Farts.