Two research studies show mRNA and flu vaccines are effective against mythical creatures; The vaccinated enjoy sex, chocolate, wine and coffee more than the unvaccinated.
Models continue to advance modern science.
Canadian researchers at the University of Water Buffaloes and at St. Boogaloo Hoo-Hoo university have published two studies showing the positive side effects of mRNA vaccines.
“Our models show that with each additional booster, your chances of not being killed by a mythical monster increases by this much,” explained lead researcher Dr. Norma Kindalost as she spread her hands apart as wide as she could.
“It’s myth invented by deranged conspiracy theorists and toxic cross-fit fanatics that creatures aren’t real. They’re real and they can and will kill you. Kraken, for example, doesn’t stay in Norway. She swims all the way to Canada lashing her violent tentacles and causing great climate change and stuff,” she continued.
The spectacular invention of mRNA can be tweaked to neutralize any monster from Godzilla to cyclops, minotaurs, dragons, yetis and even unicorns.
“It’s important to get indefinite boosters because these creatures carry all kinds of diseases including TB, polio, malaria, ebola, measles, mumps, whooping cough, HPV, Aids, influenza and of course, the worst of them all, Covid,” an infectious disease expert form McGill said.
But not all TV dinner experts are on board.
“They have not bothered to show the results against Griffins, werewolves, or any of those other creatures. The claim they’re ‘94% effective’ seems rather high to me,” another infectious disease expert from McGill said. Soon after he was relieved of his duties, his body went missing.
“It’s a shame about Ray,” said the original expert. “He was an excellent expert. An expert’s expert. But it goes to show you we can’t get complacent with all these creatures coming back. They really can hurt you. So boost up. Mythical creatures - especially Krakens - are the leading causes of strokes, migraines and blood clots.”
mRNA and flu vaccines are great for sex and other pleasures enjoyed by millions. So suggests a sweet study from a university with academics in white coats at a research lab.
The theory that vaccines enhance life’s pleasures has been occupying the meds of scientists since excess mortality began to increase. Dr. Jane Plain at St. Boogaloo Hoo-Hoo set her team to find proof of the theory.
“We weren’t surprised by our models. It only makes sense. People who get vaccinated care more than those who defiantly choose not to. So it’s only natural things will taste better whether it’s chocolate or oral sex,” she said.
Leader of the PHAC Pack Dr. Tam was pleased with the study, “All I will say is it’s true,” looking coyly into the camera.
Thanks for the laughs :-))