The Universal Appeal Of (Wet And Dry) Cereal

By Neil De Grasse-Tyson

“I marvel at cereal. All types of cereal. Frosted Flakes. Three Wishes. Apple Jacks. Hot Post Wheat Meal. Remember those? God I love cereal. What makes cereal so special is how they cooperate - or what we call in science the consensus - with each other to provide a big bang explosion of flavor. Not communist. That’s different. Consensus is a less aggressive form of communism. On their own, they’re mostly just flakes. Sure, you can have one and it’ll taste good but it’s the consensus of flavor is what makes it impactful. Boom! Dry or wt cereal kick ass. Of course, it’s preferable they be drenched in milk. White milk. It has to be cow’s milk. Not raw milk because that’s just gross. Only weird people in Pennsylvania do drink that. Or almond milk. Or soy milk. Or rice milk. These are just substitutes. I don’t even know if I recognize them. They’re like the Pluto of milks. On the periphery for fringe people like those truckers in Canada. No, it’s gotta be milk. Pure pasteurized creamy milk. Pour that shit on and watch it splash of the cereal. Each one of them looking for nourishment to sog them up. You can just hear the whisper “I’m all wet.” I sometimes bring the bowl up to my lips so I make what I call ‘My Milky Way Moustache’. It’s fun with alliteration.

Is that a flat cereal flake?

The other great thing about cereal are the stories on the back of the boxes. It was like reading a chapter of The Hardy Boys. Damn those cereal. Ot as one of the retarded kids I knew used to say, cereals. Plural. What an idiot. I don’t know why the plural of cereal is just cereal but it is. It’s just there. Like a black hole and the galaxy. That’s how great cereal is with its connection to our solar system. To sum up, one cereal is just a flake. A creepy solitary flake. Many cereals together are sexy consensual flakes. We are Sparta! Open wide! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh”

Views expressed are my own. All opinions are own. The opinions expressed here belong solely to me and do not reflect the views of my employer THE UNIVERSE.