Tam's Tips And Other Helpful Covid Tidbits

Layer up!

Dr. Tam is Canada’s top doctor and in this segment she will offer tips on how to fight Covid. Dr. Tam is all about layers and other ‘in this together’ advice.

Let’s dive right in!

Citing a second-rate epidemiologist, Tam recommends diapers should be considered as an NPI.

Professor Dr. Brian Kuntaman at Simon Fraser is concerned the current high-priest trio of non-pharmaceutical interventions, while stupendously and smashingly successful, feels they don’t go enough.

“Diapers are important as well. There’s a lot of pant shitting among us experts and we use them all the time. It’s time we project our genius fears onto society,” he said.

Tam agrees.

“It’s just a diaper. We have to use everything at our disposal to combat the greatest plague since…well you know,” she explained while adjusting her red clown nose and then added, “We need to get to below zero cases” and masks are just the little marvels we need to achieve it. It’s all about extra layers of protection. Like you layer up in the winter you must do the same with Covid because Covid is a really sneaky bitch.”

So sneaky, a new strategy was unveiled through a secret consensus of unelected officials and TV dinner scientists wielding ‘The Science As Shit’ edict. With cases shooting up to the stars, it became obvious to us one strategy to have the country stop breathing for 30 seconds so as to ‘break’ the virus’s course. It’s worth a shot’,  an epidemiologist from School of Epidemiology Boogaloo hyperventilated.

Tam concurred. “We don’t take these things lightly. Breathing is important. That’s why we chose 30 second and only after 97% of us agreed. Even 80% of dentists surveyed though there could be some benefits for teeth since people wouldn’t be chewing candy thus preventing cavities”

“It will take a concerted effort. People have to follow the rules. If one person refuses to breath we have coercive measures in place to compel them to do so,” quipped Tam.

PHAC is planning a ‘Hold your breath, save a life’ campaign this fall and is expected to be conducted on an on-going basis.

Another Tam Tidbit coming up!

While airplane seats act as a barrier she explained, she also suggested putting up as many barriers as you can from plexiglass to cupboards to 2x4s to plastic to condoms to carpets to fibreglass - whatever it takes. Even asbestos. “The more barriers, the more insulation, the more the Covid stops.”

Tam also recommended the following treatments:

-Lipton’s onion soup mix.

-Ducolax for anal rinse.

-Vick’s vapour rub.

We need more layers.

In addition, the government has revived a forgotten but effective treatment with bloodletting but only on Tuesday and Thursdays. And this must be performed with masks dipped in the blood of a goat posting in a North by Northwest position.

“I think this time we’ve got the right magic balance and formula,” Tam glowed.

The government, meanwhile, has denied the use of HCQ and Ivermectin.

“As of yet, there are not enough peer reviewed studies on those. It would be irresponsible for us to approve them at this time.”