Second-rate epidemiologist: Diapers should be considered as an NPI.

Epidemiology shows its sharp skills.

Professor Dr. Brian Kuntaman at the University of Science Boogaloo is concerned the current high-priest trio of non-pharmaceutical interventions, while stupendously successful, don’t do enough.

“Diapers are important as well. There’s a lot of pant shitting among us experts and we use them all the time. It’s time we project our fears and anxiety onto society.”

With the shortage of masks having dulled the use of them early in the pandemic, Dr. Kuntaman is not worried diaper supplies will suffer. ‘I trust diapers will always be stocked. Supply and demand adjust during a pandemic. In fact, it’s directly correlated to the level of panic we produce.”

It sure is.

“I have no idea what that guy is talking about. But we did notice a shortage of diapers for actual babies”, one economic expert and pharmacy owner told us.

“Look. It’s just a diaper. We have to use everything at our disposal to combat the greatest plague since…well you know”.

While the precautionary principle can be useful some fear it’s gone overboard during this pandemic.

One person we stopped in the street to ask about diapers as a possible effective measure to halt transmission and mortality said, “The Day of the Locust. Read it.”

We have no idea what they meant but we bet it’s smart.