By Roosevelt Franklin Poor, poor humans. And here I thought we Muppets were condemned to a life of pain, stiffly parading through a nebulous existence dominated by wretched creatures called humans. In school, we were always told humans were kind, compassionate, and enlightened, endowed with powerful scientific minds as inquiring as Martians. Muppet education teaches aliens do exist. They may as well, as the myth of our mysterious origins continues. But as a free-thinking Muppet, I know we’re social constructs by way of human carpentry. You can’t fool a Muppet Corleone. I try to tell my friends and family - using human stick people charts - that humans aren’t our friends. They’re greedy, petty, vindictive, fearful, and hopelessly hubristic, easily manipulated myopic wretched creatures who eat way too much mayonnaise and ranch. The thickness of those condiments matches their meaty minds. But they don’t listen.
Hail to thee,
Our alma mater,
Roosevelt Franklin
Elementary School
Hail to thee,
Our alma mater,
Roosevelt Franklin
Elementary School