Rainbow-coloured paper to replace traditional white.

"Because it's 2023."

The Canadian regime has decided white paper has to go.

“Today, as we mailed out your one-time food stamp, my compassionate and super smart government has also banned white paper. No thanks to the conservatives,” Justin Trudeau told a scrum of tired reporters and 14 supporters waving ‘In this country we heart food stamps.’ banners. “I just hope the cheques come rainbow-coloured though,’ a person attending the announcement said. ‘Or else, that would be a downer-bummer and I would have to pick up some free Trudeau-crack on my way to applying for MAIDS.”

When asked about the timing of the decision, Trudeau replied, “Because it’s 2023.”

The regime media applauded the removal of white paper. The Toronto Star, still hoping unvaccinated people die, notes “White paper is a reminder to various oppressed communities, spirits and goblins and entities that white privileged supremacy has got to go for good and for the sake of all of us. Paper is not environmentally friendly but it will be in the proud rainbow colours. It’s science.”

Shitlord slaver no more. .

The proposal passed in the House of Commons with every Liberal, Bloc Quebecois and NDP MP voting ‘Yay!’ The conservatives, for their part, offered a compromise. They suggested coloring only have the paper in the rainbow motif. But it was booed and hissed out of Parliament.

Later in the day, a reporter asked a Liberal MP if the ‘white flag’ - the international flag of surrender - would go rainbow to which he answered, ‘There no plans. But that would be ‘silly’.

Trudeau also added he was excited to send the first pack of 100 sheets to Zelensky as a symbol of Canada’s commitment to fighting the most important war for democracy for ‘like a long time’.

However, community groups have expressed they’d like for their colours to replace white pepper. Black community leaders, for example. “Where’s black paper for us black folks?” a member of a local chapter told us.

As for white doves as symbols of peace and love, they too may soon find themselves on the wrong side of the rainbow.