Quebec mulls replacing the Fleur-de-Lys with a Mask on its flag.
"A remarkable, life-altering invention."
The Goolag has learned the Quebec government is considering replacing the Fleur-de-Lys with a mask. “The Fleur-de-Lys is a great symbol but let’s face it, it’s dated” head of the Ministry of Culture and Communications Natalie Roy explained.
“We’ve been looking for a uniquely Quebecois symbol and the masks emerged as a natural fit’ she continued.
Premier Quebec Francois Legault added in a scrum, “It hit us like Patof hitting up a homeless wino on Ste. Catherine’s street that the masks are a great way to show the world how Quebec science is serious about leading the world. We’re very proud of accidentally becoming the mask capital of the world. A study showed Quebecers enjoy the false security of masks more than the Chinese! Tabarouette! We’re also looking at adding a syringe which also has become symbolic of Quebecois pride.”
Public safety minister Dube fainted after hearing the news. “Mr. Dube is ok. He was just extremely overwhelmed at the news” his secretary informed The Goolag. Dr. Luc Boileau for his part had this to say, “Quebec medicine and Quebec nationalism have become one today. Masks are a remarkable life-altering invention Quebecers have embraced without much thought.”
Despite no randomized studies having been conducted in Quebec to promote itself as a mask capital, the province remains committed to the idea. "Why spend money on that?" the minister responsible for finance Eric Girard warned. “We know they work. And they work en maudit.”
Putting things in perspective McGill’s Dr. Matthew Oughton summarized the idea by stating, “Look, safety is more than just about evidence. I think it’s a great idea. Four masks on the flag shows we care.” McGill colleague Dr. Christopher Labos concurred. “People who squawk about proof don’t know what they’re talking about. We’re the experts. We know. And we know these masks on the flag are going to keep us safe. Period. We should also have passports.”
Dr. Don Vinh - sigh, also from McGill - was in agreement. “Masks are the single most important invention in medical history. It only makes sense to honour it on a flag.” while Dre Mylene Dre said “rthtd thttyyoo ssh hhht” through the four masks she was wearing.
Quebec’s plan has attracted attention from around the country. Dr. Colin Furness applauded the initiative saying it was ‘Cool’ while Dr. Isaac Boguch said it was ‘Awesome.”
Prime Minister Justin Trudeau was ecstatic upon hearing the news, ‘I never felt so right in my life. Congratulations Quebec! This will help the fight against Ukraine enormously.”
Heritage Minister Pablo Rodrguez is reported to have commissioned a study looking into replacing the Maple Leaf with a mask or syringe. His office told Fearful “Mr. Rodriquez believes Canadians are ready for a chance and masks reflect the true values of what it means to be a Canadian.” A source close to The Goolag revealed that Rodriquez, after a generous consumption of wine, slurred and mumbled under his breath, 'Maple Leaf. Get real" before hitting his head on the table at a restaurant.
An Angus Reid poll showed 93% of Quebecers support the change while 6% were indifferent and 1% said they plan to move. 100% of the staff at CTV News, the CBC, Radio-Canada, Monreall Gazette and CJAD agreed with the proposal.
Quebec expects a decision by October 2, 2022.