Op-Ed: Firing Journalists Is Like Firing Democracy

It's a brutal day for us all.

By Jimmy Cents

Bell Media has callously unleashed another round of layoffs leaving lives in tatters and democracy in limbo.

The Laptop Democracy Legion has been ambushed in the Teutoburg forest.

Varus! Give me back my laptops!

“Today my thoughts are with my colleagues on this sombre day. It’s like the Battle of the Somme,” Lisa LaFlamme, former CTV News anchor said while sadly blowing her slide whistle.

It is indeed a day for sombre slide whistling.

The penetrating reality is when you fire journalists, you’re firing democracy. Like when you criticized Anthony Fauci you were attacking science right down to Archimedes, Bacon and Galileo.

LaFlamme’s comment was followed by a thoughtful rumination about how journalists preserve democracy. One man who agrees is Justin Trudeau. So much so it’s all garbage to him and that he’s ‘pissed off”.

He wants to see the manager and who can blame him? The bribe he sent corporate media was meant to save media and this is the thanks he gets?

Democracy. Dead.

“Yes, we took the money. And we opened new bureaus and bought new desks at Ikea but the market didn’t react. What are we supposed to do? Keep paying people on for merely repeating the government line? I can get my nephew Jed to do that,” a manager at Bell Media explained. “Look. We ran out of money. There was no ROI. Shit happens. But let’s be Frank and Tony here. It’s not like we shed a tear when people lost their careers for you know what, amirite?”

Taylor Lorenz and Rachel Gilmore chimed in to offer their formidable insights. Speaking into tiny mics they both said democracy is in the dark now. “Like, literally, people have no idea that with no journalism there’s no democracy. This is in the Constitution of the world going back, like, forever. So not cool,” Gilmore expressed holding back tears.

Rumor has it that both are in talks to start up their own media company - Means Girls Media - and have put in an application for a grant. “We, like, couldn’t get money because, like, white people suck but we’re lucky democracy still kicks ass where art grants are concerned,” Lorenz said not holding back tears.

There is no silver lining for many Canadians. Docile, compassionate, inquisitive, and courageous colonials dedicated to liberal democracy are left wondering where the trajectory of the puck went awry.

“But. Democracy? How will it make it without me? Now I have to drive back to Cornwall literally shaking about our democracy,” a former employee who wished to be anonymous said.

And there you have it. Our democracy faces an uncertain next couple of days. What will happen? Who knows?

On this day, please offer your thoughts and prayers for those who have given so much to democracy