Local Bike Association Wants Road Bikes Banned

Seen as 'triggering'.

A bike association is gathering signatures to petition the Mayor to ban road bikes.

Luc Le Lucadouche represents the association - an assortment of neo-urban cyclists, hipster-doofuses and retro-revivalist guerrilla dwellers - who feel road cyclists are a menace and danger to other cyclists.

Luc

Sporing a helment and mask he explained., “We’re in this together. We share bike lanes and the road. Some of us carry fruit in baskets on our bikes and feel threatened with the speed some cyclists reach. The speed limit for cars is 30 km/hr. Road cyclists ride well above 30 and can reach as high as 40 or 45! Know how many grannies they can kill at those speeds?”

The Mayor's office did not respond to our calls for comment but did say, “If removing road bikes result in social justice and diversity, then it’s something we could consider.'“

We asked one road cyclist what he thought about the petition. “Is that Luc? Did Luc tell you he’s part owner in the bike sharing project and electric bikes that are resulting in higher deaths?”

When we confronted Luc with this assertion he let out a Homer scream and ran away still in his mask.

For now, the association will just have to contend with sharing the road with skillful and athletic cyclists who actually know what they’re doing on a bike.

“It’s disappointing the city isn’t taking it seriously. Road bikes are triggering. This is why our next step is to boycott bike shops. We will ban these bikes. I’m pretty sure they’re bad for the environment too.”

Bike shop owners are bracing for the bravado from community bike groups.

“They’re becoming more militant. The other day a person claiming to be part o the association asked if I would stop selling road bikes and sell Dutch country style bikes instead. When I told her my clientele is based on road bikes she took a hard bite into her apple, winked and said, “that’s too bad”. What does that mean?” Jason McKinney of Arto’s Road Bikes: It’s not like we’re hiding anything. It says so right on our sig. See? as he proceeded to point to the store front window where the sign did indeed read: ‘Road bikes for people who like road bikes.”

But for the association it’s not about choice. “It doesn’t matter what people want. What matters is we nudge their choices into the direction that benefits us all,” Le Lucadouche explained.

“And that’s true choice. My kind of choice.”