Justin Trudeau tables Bill C-13 Happy Bill ordering people to be happy on his command.
The government looks to perk up sagging morale
Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has tabled yet another Bill directed at protecting the middle-class.
“With the bill, we will ensure all Canadians are happy. This bill is smart, sensible and exactly what Canadians want. And then we’re gonna tax it.”
In a scrum with journalists he was asked why this bill and why now? “Because it’s 2022” he replied with his signature smirk.
When confronted in the House of Commons of social engineering human emotions by opposition members, the Prime Minister responded, “Anyone who opposes this bill is racist and a rapist. And a granny killer. Who doesn’t want to be happy? I know. Conservatives don’t want to be happy. Quite frankly, I think this is disgusting and not very Canadian. We will not tolerate extremism. What the conservatives want is to keep everyone permanently depressed. I want everyone to be happy. And if they’re not happy with that, this government will seize their bank accounts and arrest anyone who protests against this Happy bill. Furthermore, if you’re thinking of not being happy think twice. We will limit your mobility rights in order to ensure you’re happy. ”
Chrystia Freeland added later in an interview, ‘We will be a happy country. The happiest in the world. Gay and merry. No more sad faces ok? I’ve instructed banks to report anyone displeased with their bank accounts or showing any signs of unhappiness to us.”
The government says polls show this is what Canadians want and are willing to curb civil rights in order to achieve happiness. “I’m all for freedom of emotion” explained a behaviorial scientist who wished to remained anonymous. “But people can’t be trusted to chose the right emotion in times of Covid. Or else cases will get out of control. So we need to nudge and guide them along. I think this Bill makes sense.”
The NDP for its part has no comment. Shadowed by a Liberal attache, Jagmeet Singh robotically read a statement from an index card: “The NDP at this time will not issue a statement. It is a good bill. A happy bill.”
The obscure Liberal operative then gently nudged Singh aside and added, ‘See? Everyone’s happy!”