Fauci Plans To Take Up Clown Painting

"He really speaks to me"

Dr. Anthony Fauci recently announced he will be retiring by December of this year. The man who lurked the halls of NIAID like Quasimodo, also discussed what he plans to do during his free time.

“I hope to mentor people. It will be a challenge because once I’m gone, I take science with me. Like Castro was democracy, I was science,” he said with a charmingly mischievous grin.

“I plan to read up on this Nuremberg thing everyone is so worked up about. And ethics. I knew Cynthia had the word as part of her title but I never bothered to learn about what it meant. Neither did she it appears,” he chuckled.

Having been a committed bureaucrat for nearly 40 years with half of those as a creature of the Department of Defense bio-weapons research, left him with little time to explore his passion. Painting.

“I know it sounds cliched but I do love clowns and clown art. I came across this painter. John Wayne Gary. He really speaks to me.”

What you talkin’ ‘bout Science is retiring?

He will be sorely missed among many people. “Tony really came to represent science. He was the hardest working and dedicated doctor I know. And so talented! How many people do you know save lives and have a publicist?” said a former colleague.

Former NIH director Dr. Francis Collins added while playing his guitar signing, “Tony and I exchanged many an email. He’s the consummate operator and I’m proud to have him as a colleague and friend. You have a friend in me….”

Dr. Fauci is set to walk off into the horizon confident he left behind a positive legacy on American - and world - health.

“I think when you look at the totality of my accomplishments, whoever takes over will have a really easy time of ruining NIAID. But the challenge is how will they conduct science since I’m taking that with me?”

Good question.