Fauci Declares Lockdowns Were All In Your Head
"Phew" said one person who lost their business.
Dr. Anthony Fauci, a man of science boogaloo and notorious camera and ball hogger, reassured the public that their pain is all in their heads with this recent remark:
"There’s no doubt when you put restraints on society that it causes emotional and mental stress. There’s no doubt about that. But you have to have a balance between saving people’s lives from getting infected and hospitalizations.
Dr. Fauci was asked to expand what he meant by “balance”. “Balance. You know, like on a scale. What you want is to have the right mix of people you destroy and don’t destroy. That way I come out even”. As for the practicality of basing decisions on hospitalizations, he said, “What you want is a balance between people going into the hospitals with and without Covid. That way we can determine the best policy to enforce. Chasing hospitalizations makes perfect sense to us. And that’s all that matters. Non me frega” as he placed four fingers under his chin and flicked them swiftly outwards.
”…I’m not sure the lockdowns themselves [caused these problems], and I am wondering why you’re asking me about lockdowns because there were no complete lockdowns in this country. There were restrictions, obviously, but there were no lockdowns.”
A former small business owner responded to this by saying, ‘Phew. I thought losing my business was not a dream. Fauci is telling me it isn’t. I can’t wait to reopen! If I can get the capital.”
”…China is now going into a real lockdown, so I would disagree with characterizing whatever went on in this country as a full lockdown."
A psychologist and PR expert explained this part this way. “I read that and he seems like he’s saying: "You self-entitled morons. You think that was a lockdown? Ha! Look at China. Now that’s a lockdown! What a town Shanghai! And if I didn’t have to contend with Ultra-Maga dimwits, and this stupid Constitution and people constantly crying about their freedoms, I’d show you what a lockdown really looks like. I’d give you the back of my hand to restore balance. Hear me?” The psychologist continued, ‘In fact, I think he actually said that. I can’t tell anymore these days.”
We expect Anthony Fauci to change his mind by the time we go to press.