Fauci considers joining PHAC after he leaves NIAID.

“The possibilities are endless”

Dr. Anthony Fauci has hinted he may soon be stepping down after 38 years lurking the halls of NIAID like Quasimodo.

However, that doesn’t mean he won’t continue to work. “We have come too far to just walk away. I’m considering several options.”

One of those options is joining Public Health Agency Canada (PHAC).

Speaking slowly, Fauci revealed “I like Canada. I can do shit up there I could only dream of doing in America." Informed Canadians can keep up with the normal pace of speech Fauci nodded and continued. "Too many red necks and free thinkers in America. But Canada is different.’

How different?

Fauci tapped his two index fingers together and answered with a coy grin, ‘Very different. The possibilities are endless given the level of corruption. The lack of transparency is impressive. It’s way more subtle than the United States. We tend to be louder but Canadians are so thoughtful and polite while breaking laws and code of ethics. You listen here. That’s a crucial difference with Americans. If you want to force people into a social habit Canada is the place to do it. There’s no pushback. They just obey. I like that. Although no one can tell me the difference between PHAC and Health Canada.” He then chuckled and added, ‘Makes my life easier.’

He also noted there were not enough obscure agencies running Canadian health. ‘I think it’s important to recognize more agencies means more science. And both mean more money. Adding another will help to make things clearer. Maybe Super Health Canada Agency? See, what you want is to make sure one hand doesn’t know what it’s doing with the other that way I can control it all.”

America’s doctor also showed his humorous side. With a playful smile he intimated ‘I was joking with Frankie-poo (Francis Collins) he should grab his guitar and join me. We can recreate Canada in our image. We had a great laugh about that”. But this lighter moment quickly took a more stern tone. “No, I’m serious’.

The Canadian government responded to this rumour favourably. “Oh, how delightful! Dr. Anthony Fauci is science” Health Minister Jean-Yves Duclos said. “I would welcome him here with open arms. Literally. We’re not racist here. But we’d both be in our masks. Remember, it’s important to wear a mask. Health Canada or is it PHAC? I’ll have to check. Whatever, it’s now recommended to wear a mask in the bathroom because Covid is in the water and 7th waves. Because Covid.”

With the prospect of Anthony - affectionately known as Tony or Toe - Fauci joining the ranks of Canadian health, now has never been a better time to sell your property, pack up your kids, learn to code and head for the U.S. border.