Democrats Rename January 6, January 666
Democrats Rename January 6, January 666
"Satan was all around on Capital Hill"
The Democrat party and its prime-time collaborators are set to present high production theatrics on Thursday night about January 6 - J6.
“It was the darkest day in American history,” House Speaker Nancy Pelosi said barely able to annunciate.
An emotional Chuck Schumer wailed, “Barbaric. Animalistic. Ruthless. Barbaric. Frightening,” as he dropped his head dramatically while meekly raising his limp wrist while adjusting his mask with the other.
AOC, whose life was in danger that day even though she wasn’t present also commented. “On this sombre day, I move to declare January 6, January 666. Satan was all around on Capitol Hill. I saw him. I’m still shaking.”
When asked if the assassination of a Chief Justice was also a concern for Democrats, Joe Biden - the President - replied, “Look man. Was he killed? No. Brett’s a tough guy. His family needs to toughen up like him. Calling it an assassination attempt is a little dramatic and if…..there’s this raven that keeps landing on my window sill. I don’t know where it comes from but it comes and just sits there. Staring. I like to nap and whenever they serve lemon sorbet after lunch it makes my stomach all crampy. I hear black people don’t digest lemon sorbet. I’m just kidding. We don’t serve sorbet to black people. But I was there when we ended that discriminatory practice in Scranton. So don’t tell me Brett needs to worry. January 16. Now that was scary. If everyone was vaccinated, I tell you what, none of that would have happened. If I were to ever become President I’d make sure windmills would be on every lawn in America. You think I’m kidding? I’m not kidding, man. Bring that little girl to me. I see her looking at me talking. Look at the cute face. All straight white teeth. Who’s your dentist, love? The Russians have yellow teeth that’s why Putin is bad. We will make Russia pay. I promise you that and when these gas prices come down and I promise you they will come down just as soon as I sign an Executive Order, you will all see how amazing this economy really is. It’s the best we’ve seen ever. High inflation, high gas prices, and food shortages are signs of a vibrant dick like mine.”
Biden took a short pause.
“Where’s my egg nog?”
The independent committee and hearings into the January 6 incident will be televised on networks no one watches anymore and sure to change the hearts and minds of a nation wondering if they’re just actors in The Truman Show.