Welcome to the Daily Derp with Jimmy Cents.
-Acme Mattress Boogaloo has introduced a mattress for people dealing with black fatigue. Chief product developer Joel Strogonov explains how his team came up with the patented formula. “I got the idea when someone in my unit remarked about being and I quote “so tired of this shit”. At that point a light went off in my head. What if he wasn’t the only one tired? What if there were others? And what if it meant they were not getting a good night’s sleep because of it? That’s when I got to working on a mattress for black fatigue.”
The mattress has a unique blend of stuff they put in a mattress including coil springs and foam. “But what separates our product from the rest is we put 10% cotton to allow to sleep sweetly like a slave.”
Stroganov’s comments triggered a response from the NCAAP. “Black fatigue? How about white weary or white wearisome or white exhaustion?” thundered a spokesperson for the organization. He later announced the NCAAP’s new sponsor Crayola.
The mattress is expected to be in stores by November Strogonov said. “ We’re also in discussions with Carnival Cruise Lines to become exclusive suppliers for their ships.
An analyst noted that pre-market sales is strongest among blacks. “Go figure” he said. “Black people get tired too I guess.”
Time will tell if sales go on cruise control.
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Michael Cera is starring in a biopic from Boogaloo Studios on Miles Davis. The star actor known for his comedy roles in the TV series Arrested Development and film Superbad says he was ready for a new challenge. “Yeh. I mean. Miles Davis. Yeh.” Former fellow cast member on Arrested Development David Cross will make a cameo as John Coltrane.
Director Sean Olawamba-Smith III explained in an interview who reimagining our past is necessary in order to make history accessible to everyone.
Hamilton director Lin-Manuel Miranda noted for his reimagining skills offered his view on the project. “Now that’s just dumb. And racist to be honest. When we made Hamilton, our heart was in the right place. But this is just straight up cultural appropriation. What’s wrong with white people that they can’t invent anything on their own?”
Olawamba-Smith III responded, “Does he know I’m black?”
The biopic opens in theatres across North America (except Quebec) in late 2025.