Chrystia and Kamala form Sweet Soul Cringe Sisters Duo

Aides for Chrystia Freeland and Kamala Harris have been working hard to brand the two women as ‘soul sisters’ in an effort to reach out to hesitant voters.

I ties my shoelaces by myself.

“Hesitancy is a problem in our society. Quite frankly, it’s unacceptable,” an aide for Freeland said. “That’s why we decided to reach out to Team Kamala Harris - woo! - and asked if we could corroborate on a project to bring these two powerful and beautiful souls together. People don’t know what they’re missing!” the aide added.

Get it? I’m the punchline!

However, observers fear this could backfire. “Chrystia has a nervous tick that seems to cause seizures in 1 in 100 Canadians. When she speaks, it increases to 1 in 20,” a psychologist at the University of Psyche Boogaloo worried. “It’s a problem for sure. A real nut cracking nutter. Reminds me of the time people would have fits whenever they heard Mary Hart speak”.

Chrystia’s facial quirks aren’t the only challenge. “Kamala Harris’s cackle and insincere laugh are very hard for normal people with properly screwed heads to get behind” the psychologist explained. “This has ‘Celebrities who do virtue-signalling videos’ disaster written all over it.

But the group calling itself Sweet Soul Cringe Sisters are going to take those shortcomings and turn them into positives.

‘As soon as someone in Harris’s entourage gets back to us, we’re going to make history. The response has been slow because of the high turnover in her staff making it hard to get anything done.” the aide lamented. ‘If we must, we will do it on our own. Chrystia offers much on her own.”

There’s also talk that Chrystia and Kamala will go on tour together.