CDC Makes Slight Name Change; Introduces New Campaign Motto
"Boost, boost and away!"
The Center for Disease Control has changed its name to the Center for Chronic Disease Control. “With the explosion of chronic diseases in the last 30 years, it just made sense,” director of the CCDC Rochelle “Rochelle” Walensky said in a press conference. Dr. Anthony Fauci applauded the move. “It takes a load of my back!” he said while taking some time off from saving the world from a ravaging pandemic that is showing no end in sight.
The CDC also rolled out its booster campaign ““Boost, boost and away” is designed to encourage people to get boosted. What better way than with Bat-Man”? an excited Walensky shrilled nipples raging through her thin blouse.
With fall right around the corner, shill experts are salivating at the prospect of endless boosters as conspiracy theorists predicted would be the case way back in 2020. “No, the conspiracy theorists weren’t right, “ Dr. Eric Topol explained. “Back then it wasn’t a thing. Now it is. Boosters are safe and effective. They’re marvellous.”
The CDC is also planning to update what it means to ‘suddenly die’.
”The science is evolving and we need to make sure we’re keeping up,” Walensky said.
In other news, Pfizer and Merck have announced they have proposed a merger with the FDA and CDC. The companies say the synergies between them and the agencies are ripe for a merger. “We feel….who are we kidding? It’ll streamline things. All this effort that goes into ‘revolving’ movement is cutting into the booster program. We all know the FDA and CDC are subsidiaries of pharma,” a Merck spokesperson said.
An FDA official added, ‘It’s about time. I’ve grown tired of shredding papers.”