Canadians perplexed by countries ending mandates.
Justin Trudeau asks Bono to record "The world needs more Canada."
As more and more countries lift or end their mandates outright, Canadians question the wisdom of such decisions.
“I don’t think it’s prudent,” said epidemiologist David Fisman adding “I still need this to keep going to pay for my boat.”
The sudden shift has left Canadian officials scrambling. “Hello! I thought we had a deal here! Strip people’s rights, bring in a biosecurity state,__________. PROFIT!” said one official who was clearly disappointed.
Justin Trudeau also had some choice words for the world community. “Really? How irresponsible for our democracy and middle-class!” he said in Parliament. “The world may have chosen to move on and face the virus but that’s not the Canadian way! We will not be bullied by international sentiment. We will keep our mandates in place. And just to show how serious we are. I’m locking down the country for two…NO! Three days! That’s how much we care about the health of Canadians” as he sat down before getting right back up abruptly, “and the middle-class. Everything we do is for the middle class. Now check this tax out!”
Trudeau has public support. We interviewed people in Ottawa, Toronto and Montreal and the general feeling revealed Canada is far more intelligent than all other countries combined.
‘I think because we have public health we’re better and it makes us take more better decisions than other places. Especially America” said Karen Lopol. Darren Sticks of Toronto expressed his feelings stating, “Kinda weird mandates are ending. I accepted the new normal and don’t see the point of going back. We have to be safe. When you have universal health care and are not American I think it brings clarity of mind and healthy perspective countries aren’t so lucky to have.” One passerby interjected and said, ‘Woo! Canada fuck yeah! Fuck those truckers and bring on the restrictions! In Montreal, Karen Tremblay was also perplexed by the world’s decision to ‘live with the virus’. “We can live with the virus. But come on people! This is ridiculous! No masks!? Unvaccinated people are allowed to live? I took my shot and deserve perks. If these other places had the best public hospital system as we have they’d follow us. They should stop watching Fox and listening to Americans.”
Trudeau reached out to Bono and asked the lead singer of U2 if he could turn “The world needs more Canada’ into a song. Bono responded, “I make one crack in Parliament and next they want a song. How about ‘The world has had enough of Canada and Justin Trudeau?”
The House of Commons held an emergency meeting to reaffirm its commitment to “Negative-Zero-Net-Zero Covidity” (NZNZC) in a 217-0 vote and one Homer scream.
A sombre pounding with their shoes at their seats followed the vote.