Canadian Government To Replace Queen Elizabeth On 20 Dollar Bills With Spike Protein; Unveil Nationalized Dental Program
"We have to evolve with the times".
The Liberals along with the NDP have voted to introduce a plan to offer free dental services to Canadians.
“We can’t have a country of crooked teeth,” Justin Poptart Lasagne said in a passionate speech from the steps of a closed Boston Pizza in Halifax. “When Canadians smile, they want to show off their shiny teeth with pride and the only way to get those teeth pearly white is to get them in the dentist’s office more often. Sadly, 96% of Canadians can’t afford the price gouging that goes on in this ferocious industry. By nationalizing it, we also tackle climate change” he concluded while hurling tubes of Aqua-Fresh into the sparse crowd. Some of whom hurled the tubes back at Justin. Ducking for cover with is bodyguards taking the blows, Justin escaped to a nearby Timothy’s Coffee Shop. But was soon seen running out escaping an angry mob.
Justin’s boyfriend Jagmeet Singh, flashing a $17 000 Rolex, also addressed reporters in Vancouver. He isn’t concerned that according to Fraser Institute and C.D. Howe reports, the program will mean less access to timely dentist appoints. In the report they concluded that “it may be that Canadians will have to adjust to the reality of not visiting their dentists every six months but every six years.”
In response Singh said, ‘Yeh but…..at least everyone will have bad teeth at the same time. The point is it’s free!”
A professor at the University of Political Science Boogaloo supported the idea. “We have to evolve with the times. Canada is a highly evolved county that takes evolution seriously. So….this is a no-brainer in the evolvement of things.”
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The government also unveiled a new $20 bill today. Queen Elizabeth will be replaced with the spike protein.
“It’s a Covid world now. Covid will become part of the Canadian consciousness” Justin declared, somewhat battered from his experience at Timothy’s. "
He continued.
“It’s a bittersweet moment, what, with the Queen kicking the bucket and all. But we see this as a revival of New Canadianism.”
We approached Canadians and asked what they thought of the new bill.
“Pretty cool. I’m cool with it. Canada is cool” one person said. “Canada is a world leader in everything. Countries will copy us like they always do” said another.
“It sucks the Queen died and lost her place and all that so the timing is odd. But the spike protein will remind us to remain vigilant” a young masked up student cautioned.
There was also a motion requesting for a potential name change for Canada. The proposed name changes include: Canuckistan, Canucknuckleheads, Covinada, and Chinada and the World Economic Forum.
Given their rather dubious reputation for honesty, I think you might be indulging in a bit of wishful thinking here. Putting the spike protein meme onto the money before it disappears completely would for many probably be an overdose in truth therapy.
Oh! Kanada?