Canada Day Organizers, Police And Government Lay Down Celebration Rules
A committee made up of organizers, local police and government officials has issued ground rules for Canada Day celebrations.
An organizer with Wokebeus Celebrations Inc. announced the following rules in a statement:
Hello! I’ll keep this brief. In celebration of this country that shall not be named - wink - Canada Day has been renamed Any Other Day. We acknowledge the pain and suffering Canada Day has caused many people over the years. This is why we’ve decided to make some changes so as to not offend anyone,” beginning to hold back tears.
Regaining her composure she continued. “I feel for the Indians. I mean, Natives. Wait. Hang on. Fists Nation. What? Oh. Right. First Nations,” giggling cupping her mouth like a school girl.
“Whatever. This year there will be no fireworks, no flags and no singing of the national anthem. O’Canada, O’ Buh-bye. Instead, we’ll have will have a throat-singing contest for fellow vaccinated citizens. Refreshments will be supplied. One per person. The unvaccinated will be isolated in one part of the park and will have to supply their own food and beverages. Join us in the first annual Any Other Day celebration celebrating unity and love!” she concluded picking up a white flag and waving it furiously.
“This blows!” one person we interviewed in the street said. “How can we celebrate Canada this way?”
We asked organizers this question and they sat nervously and puzzled by the question.
“We don’t understand. There will be hot dogs. And Ukrainian flags (only given to the vaccinated). And drag queens reenacting the signing of the BNA Act,” replied an aide for an MP. “That’s a very white extremist question to ask to be frank,” he concluded.
Any Day celebrations will begin at 11 am July 1st until noon. At this point, the park will be converted into a mass booster vaccination session and vaccine sacrifice ritual with a random child chosen.
“We figure the place will be full of people already so why not take advantage? I’ll be performing the ritual with blood from the blood bank,’ key note speaker of the event Health Minister Jean-Yves Duclos told The Goolag in a phone interview.
“Man, that’s some creepy as shit.” a park employee said.