Canada Applies For Colony Status

Banana Republic was also considered but eventually nixed.

In what would be a first among nations, the government of Canada has applied for colony status to the United Nations with the blessings of the United Kingdom.

The UK offered the following statement: “We have been notified of Canada’s intentions. The United Kingdom has enough of its own problems to worry about Canada’s feelings. We wish the Canadian people well on this journey.”

“Usually, according to my notes, the natural flow for counties is to go from colony to independence. This is a most unusual turn of events,” an expert about colonies noted. “I’m an ant colony expert but close enough.”

Canada has been exploring various options also requesting to become a protectorate of the United States on par with Puerto Rico.

Good old days.

One American flatly responded, “Aren’t they already?” Another added, ‘Just what we need Northern Minnesota.”

Sources close to The Goolag have admitted this has been in the works since 2015. ““Because it’s 2015” wasn’t just about diversity. It was about the future or our post-nation state the Trudeau Liberals are actually serious about building,” a perplexed political observer said. “I really thought it was just an empty slogan. Then again, I used to think that as God as my witness turkeys could fly.”

Leaked memos obtained by The Goolag found in the bathroom of a cafe a few hundred feet from Parliament show a battle raged within the PMO as to whether the government would apply as a colony or banana republic.

“Colony won out. After all, we were once a colony and pretty much still act like one. So it was a natural fit. Banana Republic sounded too tropical. Not too much we’re not a Republic,” Paul Refuge an expert on Tropical Republics at the University of Tropical Things explained.

The Opposition leader has called this a stunt to detract from revelations that China is embedded in influencing Canada’s election process. “Canada is already in effect a colony of China. The government is just trying to formalize it. We say HELL NO! The Charter must say something about this. No? Well, it oughta!”.

”The funny thing about being a country is you need, you know, to be led by people who actually give a shit about it,” an insider close to the situation said. “I’m not seeing it.”

The development has consumed Parliament Hill and is all the talk among the chatty chattering class. As one Parliamentarian said, “This is Canada. Nothing will happen. Pass the puck.”