Bowing to pressure from groups, the NHL reclassifies 'Right-wingers' as 'Right-floaters'.
The same group has no problem with left-wingers.
In the aftermath of the Ivan Provorov incident, the NHL continues to face backlash from activist groups.
One such group - ACME Good Democracy For Gooder People (AGDGP) - has been pressuring and working with the NHL to remove the “right-wing” position label and reclassify it as ‘right-floaters.’
“We thought it would be best for democracy and minorities if people wouldn’t see the term ‘right-winger’ anywhere including ice hockey,” a spokesperson for the group said. “We don’t see it as a problem,” she added.
The group itself has come under criticism given over 98% of its donors weren’t aware hockey existed. “This is just another small but vocal and highly political astroturf organization looking to steal our liberties, freedoms, and liberties,” watch group ‘We’re watching you” released in a statement.
When asked about ‘left-wingers’, AGDGP responded to us in an email saying, ‘What about them? They’re fine.”
The NHL released its own statement this morning.
“We always welcome a discussion on social matters. When it was brought to our attention about ‘right-wingers’ we were all, like, WHOA! This has got to change! And we know sports and sports writers are always at the forefront of change and the current thing. We are working closely with our stakeholders to ameliorate and improve our product because hockey is for every living organism.”
It’s been rumoured the NHL will also be allowing the first transgender hockey player to suit up for the Boston Bruins. “We chose the Bruins because of their ‘big bad’ image. We felt we had to tone it down,” V-P of Woke Operations for the league said. As for the Bruins organization, the alumni responded by saying, ‘what is this shit?” at which point the team shut them down.
A sports commentator on a local radio show in Toronto said in support of the move, “I watched a movie the other day and the phrase ‘Everybody love everybody’ was in it. I thought what a beautiful thing to say. Why can’t we just love each other? We start by erasing history we don’t like, sending Provorov back to Rusha and yes, even changing the names of positions because things change. We progress. You do want change don’t you?”
The NHL will also change its record books to reflect the new position. They pondered eradicating all the players who played the position but decided it was too ‘radical’.
Right-floaters like Gordie Howe, Guy Lafleur, Mike Bossy, and Jaromir Jagr are all safe.
Good one, JD. I've also heard rumours that the NHL is considering changing the name of the ''puck,'' just for shits and giggles. How about those Rangers? Declined to wear the rainbow uniforms, causing outrage in the vile minority.
Not important, no one should care.