Biden Challenges Inflation.
The White House finds its pugilistic spirit
President Joe Biden spoke about inflation today. Provided below is a copy of the transcript:
“Hello. I was, er, instructed by my handlers to give, er, an update about inflation. Look. I’m gonna give it to you straight. I don’t know nothing about no inflation. I knew a Lynn Flation once but man that was a long time ago in the back of Corn Pop’s pick-up. They tell me this inflation thing is real and by golly gee as Corn Pop as my witness, no I’m serious, I’m going to, uh, slap this bitch back into….the more I read about this inflation the less I care for it even, uh, though I don’t get what the problem is….Corn Pop I tell ya he’d challenge anyone - I mean anyone or anything - to a fight and that’s what I’m going to do. Right here, right now. I challenge inflation to a fight. I’ll shadowbox inflation into the ground just like Rinty Monaghan rescued dogs I say. That thing they do when supply chains go under demand they produce money or some other M2 circulation goes round and round circulating like Covid and speaking of which….get your boosters. They work. You’re not, uh, going to get sick and it will end the pandemic for good. Don’t tell me it’s not true because it reminds me of the time when Corn Pop took Lynn Flation to the malt shop after the football game up in Scranton but, uh, I’m from Delaware. I do know if I had my choice, uh, I’d come from Ukraine so I could fight Putin and his dirty scoundrel Russian people. They’d have to face the fury of one red-haired Irish boy from Tuscaloosa. I keep hearing about inflation driving prices of stuff up. Come on man. Stop complaining. Life is, uh, so much better since the potato famines I witnessed and since, uh, Trump left. We’ve had a boost since 2020. A big boost. The smell of children’s hair has never been more alluring. I tell ya I see a lot of young ones out there….God bless ya. Can one or all of you come up here? How about you? You look like you could use a nice ride on Joe’s thigh. Bring your mother too. She looks like she could use the Bronco treatment too. When I was V-P I saw a lot of things including cows farting causing climate change. When I’m President I promise to fight climate change in the ring and punch it out with a KO like a Simon Byrne punch to the noggin. Like I will inflation. Except, I plan to plug inflation like I did Lynn…what’s that? Cut what out?
Cut it out…. Stop it Joe….. Read the script…..Come get your egg nog…..”
/Aide runs on stage, grabs mic and carefully steers Biden off. Jill meets him with a glass of egg nog.
“Thank you for coming. The President will not be answering questions at this time.”