After closing deal with Moderna, the Canadian government looks to reboot K-Mart; McGill changes name to McDerna.
Fresh off its announcement revealing Moderna will build a facility in Montreal, the Canadian and Quebec governments teamed up for another business venture.
“We were so excited about Moderna I asked Justin if we could do another deal’ Quebec Premier Francois Legault said. “He suggested K-Mart. I said let’s do it. If they pay, we play.”
It was another odd choice made by the provincial and Federal governments according to experts. “Moderna is the Hot Child in the City one-hit, one-trick pony. Boosters for variants isn’t a sustainable business model,’ explained Professor Tom Carimoose at the University of Business Boogaloo.
However, the greatest businessman to ever grace Quebec, was more optimistic. “The vaccines will bring jobs and enthusiasm to our economy. We will make 1 billion doses and Quebec will be the leader. You’ll see. Better than Ontario,” Legault told reporters.
For his part, Justin Trudeau was pleased with the idea of reviving K-Mart. “This will be good for the middle-class and Muslim community,” he said sporting a Tommy Bahama shirt and shorts while visiting Ukraine.
“I think this will be win-win-lose”, said one Montrealer. ‘Win for Justin. Win for Francois. Lose for the rest of us.”
Officials also announced McGill University will be partnered with Moderna. In the days following, it’s been reported McGill is now considering a name change. A few years after dropping “Redman” from its midst, the school is ready for another chapter.
“We’d like to avoid the Redman debacle” Dean Brenda Ravenscroft said.
When it was taken to a vote, a majority of students selected ‘Redskins’ as a replacement completely missing the point of the politically correct exercise.
“I was flabbergasted and exasperated. This time we avoided a vote and went straight to the board. With that, I’m pleased to announce from now on this institution shall go by the name of McDerna! So help yourselves to some egg sandwiches and refreshments at the back of the room in celebration!”
Ravenscroft then danced her way through the crowd to ‘Hands up!'“
“McGill was too Irish. Or Scottish. Whatever. McDerna is more modern and reflects the new realities and challenges of our purpose, “ one of the board members revealed.
“McDerna is perfect branding,” a marketing professor at the school pleased with the decision said. He added, “McDerna: Science you can trust”.
One student interviewed for an opinion asked, “We’re the McDerna Redskins, right?”
McGill’s conflict of interest with Moderna is not expected to interfere with how they will deal with vaccines.